


I'll kill you if you let go

by Pantachan



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Sickness, Taking care of a sick grape, oumasai, saiouma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2019-02-10 15:10:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12914505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pantachan/pseuds/Pantachan
Summary: "This was the absolute worst. It had been a few years since the last time where a cold had hit him as hard, but this was definitely the most counterproductive time for it to happen. Kokichi Ouma didn’t get sick. He kept colds away with willpower, a well-kept and more or less healthy body, lots of activity and all the food he enjoyed. Getting sick while being stuck in a killing game where anything could happen anytime was the last thing he needed in his life."Ouma gets sick and Saihara takes care of him. In short, a way too long sick fic.





	I'll kill you if you let go

Kokichi’s heart was beating rapidly in his chest as cold sweat ran down his neck. The evident throbbing in his head didn’t seem to cease, despite the painkillers he had taken. Heavy dizziness that made the room spin didn’t make it easier to think either. Quietly cursing himself, he put the sheet of paper and his pencil aside, dropping them on the ground next to his bed. He seriously didn’t even care anymore.

This was the absolute worst. It had been a few years since the last time where a cold had hit him as hard, but this was definitely the most counterproductive time for it to happen. Kokichi Ouma didn’t get sick. He kept colds away with willpower, a well-kept and more or less healthy body, lots of activity and all the food he enjoyed. Getting sick while being stuck in a killing game where anything could happen anytime was the last thing he needed in his life. It made him an easy target and pretending to be alright grew progressively more difficult. In the end, he had decided to bring lots of snacks, food and utensils to prepare tea to his room, along with various medications. But of course, his body acted up no matter how hard he tried to concentrate on his plans. 

“I can’t keep on…working like this…! If this hell doesn’t stop soon, I won’t be able to make progress…”, he thought to himself and buried his hands in his hair. Kokichi’s headache twisted his expression into a pained grimace. Everything within him demanded to just sleep it out until he was better, but he couldn’t waste time. He’d regret it afterward, his mind whispered it again and again and again.

However, he also couldn’t change the fact that his eyes had started burning like fire. Drawing through a layer of tears was hard.

Beat, he let himself fall back onto his mattress as a long, annoyed groan left his throat. “I hate this…stupid sickness…nothing works like this…I don’t wanna anymore…”  
That familiar feeling of vulnerability bubbled up in his chest and tears threatened to leave his eyes. Covering them with his arm, he felt so incredibly pathetic, it was ridiculous. He hated being alone when he was sick. No one was there to take care of him and all he was craving was just a bit of affection, or maybe a lot of it, and someone who forced him to relax and take care of himself. But there wasn’t anyone to do so and, additionally, he really needed to work…

He flinched hard as there was a sudden knock at his door. His heart dropped to his stomach. There was only one person who would ever knock instead of ringing the doorbell, so they wouldn’t scare him. Various thoughts rushed through his head. He knew it was Shuichi, Shuichi must have realised he had shut himself away. Shuichi must be worried, Shuichi was there to help him, Shuichi, Shuichi, Shuichi. Mildly panicking, he cleared his throat and tried to suppress the thought that he’d end up opening the door anyway. That he couldn’t hide how pathetic he felt from the detective once he let him in. 

“Kokichi…? Can we… talk?”, Shuichi’s quiet voice reached him through the door, careful and full of worry.

“…what is it? I’m busy, I don’t have time for stupid detective games! There’s important leader business to take care of!”, he answered, his voice sounded upset and annoyed, but lacked firmness. There was some truth to it, at the very least, even if Shuichi didn’t know.

“You… don’t sound like you mean it. I can pick the lock, remember…?” 

Ou, right. He had taught him after all, in an attempt to give Shuichi another skill for his detective work. Of course, he had masked it by saying that it was all for the sake of him not immediately being suspected once there was another locked room mystery, but… 

He knew his resistance would be futile, since Shuichi was capable of pushing through his lies if he really needed to. If his worry grew too strong, he was able to go through immense lengths to find out what was happening. In the end, Kokichi got up and approached the door, careful not to stumble and fall on his way there. 

“D…do I really have to? Just tell me what you want already, I don’t have time for this….”, his words came out strained.

“…can you please open the door? You haven’t left your room for days now, I’m worried.”

Kokichi paused with his hand resting on the doorknob. Before opening it, he straightened his clothes and bedhead a little, rubbed over his eyes and took a deep breath to seem as presentable and healthy as possible. 

However, things must’ve been way worse than expected, judging by Shuichi’s expression as he opened the door. Kokichi looked up to the detective, just to frown at the shock and worry on his face.

“K…Kokichi, what happened? You look…”

“Terrible? Yeah, I know, thanks for making me feel better, idiot”, he snarled, obviously annoyed by Shuichi’s useless commentary. He really held him in high regards, but sometimes he was just so damn slow in the head. 

His answer seemed to weaken the detective’s uncertainty, but now his expression was filled with open concern. Examining the smaller male thoroughly, Kokichi could watch the realisation hit him hard and it made his stomach twist. Just as he had expected. Of course, Shuichi would immediately know. He shouldn’t have opened the door.

“You’re sick? Why haven’t you t-“, Shuichi started, but got cut off as Kokichi hurried to cover his mouth with his pale hand. Probably not the best idea, but he didn’t care as long as the other would just shut up.

“Shh! Shut up, will you? Geez, just get inside and be quiet”, he hissed and grabbed the other’s arm without a care in the world, mercilessly dragging him inside of his room and closing the door as fast as humanly possible. He grimaced at the throbbing in his head, though the other’s carelessness was far more upsetting to him. Shuichi didn’t take his behaviour lightly either, furrowing his brows and meeting him with scepticism. 

“Why? Why do you always have to do things yourself…? I told you to trust me and ask for help if something happens, Kokichi!”, he exclaimed, one hand on his chest and sincerity in his voice. It hurt somewhere deep down, just a tiny, tiny bit, but that bit flipped a switch in Kokichi’s mind. In any normal situation, he would have reacted with anger, but his lack of energy made him pout at the other instead. Crocodile tears swelled in his eyes, a process far easier than usually, since they had been burning for quite some time now.

“S-so mean…! I didn’t…want to worry my beloved Shuichi… I just wanted to be n-nice…”, his voice came out shaky, along with quiet sniffs and sobs. His expression was twisted to one of sadness and woe. There was some honesty to it, but he mostly used it to cover up the pounding pain in his skull. Worry flared up in Shuichi’s eyes, before he averted his gaze and answered:

“Don’t… pull this on me right now. You’re feeling terrible, aren’t you? Let me help… please.”

Kokichi sniffed a few more times and gave him the most heartbreaking look, before his lips curled into a bright grin and the tears were mostly gone. Gathering all the energy he could muster, he beamed at Shuichi despite how draining it was. It was good to know that he could still switch between masks with incredible finesse, even if he felt like collapsing any second. 

“Nishishi! Aw, you’re no fun! Let me play around a little, won’t you? I’ve been feeling so bad these past few days, you should entertain me, silly!”, he said with that typical teasing, playful tone of his, though his voice admittedly threatened to give up towards the end. Shuichi shook his head at him and grabbed his hand, carefully pulling him towards the bed.

“Just… lay down, I’ll take care of this. How are you feeling, what should I get you?”

Listening to his every word, Kokichi willingly sat down on his bed and pulled his blanket closer, still beaming at the detective. 

“I want ice cream! And panta!”

“…I won’t get you any”, Shuichi sighed and for some reason, his concern seemed to grow steadily. Kokichi knew the other was bothered by the fact that he kept his mask up, despite how terrible he was feeling. But Shuichi couldn’t blame him. He felt so pathetic, there was no way in hell he’d willingly show one bit of it. Not even to him. The other should be aware of that, but Kokichi tried to push the slight feeling of annoyance it caused him away.

However, instead of leaving him be, the detective approached him, carefully brushed a few strands of purple hair aside and felt his forehead. The small gesture soothed his annoyance instantly. Just this little touch made him realise once again that he… wanted someone to be there. He wanted Shuichi to be there. It made his chest tighten and the bliss on his features vanish. But there was also a certain kind of… relief. Especially combined with the concentration and genuine concern on Shuichi’s features. There was something strangely endearing to it. He stared at the taller male for a few seconds, breathing faster than usual and heart still beating rapidly in his chest. Something inside him melted a little and after a while, Shuichi pulled his hand away and spoke his mind.

“…you’re burning. I’ll… go and get some things. Where are your…?”

“Nightstand”, he answered, without having to hear the rest of it. Shuichi nodded slightly and grabbed the keys, before looking at him one last time. 

“I’ll be back soon, don’t worry.”

Gentle and caring, his voice sent a shiver down his spine. He could feel the fatigue and exhaustion catch up to him as he nodded, watching Shuichi leave the room and quietly close the door shut behind him. 

Silence enveloped him and his heart sank. This was both good and terrible. He really wanted him to be there, but it would only decrease his productivity further. Besides, he was a mess, his room was an even worse mess and Shuichi staying with him despite all that… it both made his heart jump and drop to a new low. He desperately tried to sort his thoughts, before he gave up with a groan and threw himself back onto the mattress. Maybe he should try leaving things to Shuichi for once, he couldn’t even grasp one comprehensive thought anyway.

Additionally, if he was honest to himself, relying on Shuichi whom he trusted and who had promised and proven that he’d be there for him – it was terrifying, but also the kind of security he had needed for a long time now. However, having faith and putting matters into someone else’s hands… he shivered uncomfortably at the thought. He was the only one to do this, it was his task. But his mind didn’t obey…

Kokichi rested his eyes and waited patiently.  
He had dozed off for a while. Half asleep and half awake, body and mind caught up in a resting, simmering heat, he barely registered the clicking sound in the back of his mind. Unaware of what was happening, he just snuggled up to his pillow and muttered some incoherent syllables. It was only when a careful touch on his shoulder sent shock through his body that he turned around, his eyes wide and focused on the detective.

“A-ah, sorry… I didn’t want to scare you…”, Shuichi apologised and pulled his hand back. Kokichi only shook his head and rubbed his eyes, as a new smell filled his lungs. Disoriented, he looked around to find its source. He soon discovered a bowl of hot, steaming soup on his nightstand, along with some fruits and lots of water.

“…you haven’t eaten properly for a while now, right? Since you missed dinner yesterday…”

It felt so domestic and caring, he could feel his heart swell at the gesture. Averting his gaze, he nodded. It was a bit overwhelming. Just as he was about answer, Shuichi added:

“I made it a bit spicy…”

“I-I see… that’s… I like slightly spicy food…”, he sputtered, heat rising to his cheeks. Instead of saying anything else or trying to express his gratitude through words, he decided to let actions speak. He sat up and moved a little closer to the edge, before he grabbed the bowl. Shuichi warned him that it was still a bit hot, before he carefully started eating.  
It tasted good.

They spent some time in silence, Shuichi sitting next to him on the bed. Occasionally checking on him, the detective let his eyes wander around in the room with curiosity. A little time had passed since he had first allowed Shuichi in, a few days after he had used his given name for the first time. The circumstances had not been pretty, but… looking back at it now, the detective had forgiven him for his mistakes and had told him he knew of his good intentions. That he’d support him no matter what. It made Kokichi… consider the option of telling Shuichi about his plans, about the knowledge he had gained. But he couldn’t risk saying anything in case they were being watched.

The thought of being under constant surveillance was extremely uncomfortable and made his paranoia cry out loud. Most of the time, he successfully managed to push those thoughts aside. Just… now it was difficult. For a split second, the thought of Shuichi not being entirely trustworthy crossed his mind.

Now he really wanted to throw up. His stomach was twisting. He trusted him. As far as his trust could reach, he did.

For some reason, he suddenly felt incredibly tired.

“…it’s messier than usual. Do you want me to clean up a little, maybe…?”, Shuichi offered and pulled him back to reality. 

“…do what you want. As long as you don’t touch anything important.”

The detective nodded and got moving. Healing warmth filled his body and destructive doubts clouded his mind while he was eating, despite all efforts. Shuichi took care of his room and Kokichi didn’t want to look at him and observe him. He didn’t entirely manage. Soon, the scattered tissues and crumpled sheets of paper all landed in the trash bag. Luckily, the exhaustion caught up to him and all he could focus on was putting food in his mouth, swallowing, staying awake, blinking. He didn’t even realise how fast time passed, before he reached the base of his bowl and suddenly, Shuichi was shoving a new set of clothes in his face. Lazy comfort clothes to sleep. Kokichi looked up to him in confusion and set the empty bowl aside, the salty smell of stock still lingering in the air. 

“What do you want me to do?”, he asked. Changing his clothes wouldn’t do anything, right?

“…take a shower and change your clothes. I’ll run errands and take care of some things, alright? Be careful not to slip… call me if something happens”, Shuichi explained with firmness marking his words, a firmness that left him baffled. 

He really didn’t feel like getting up, but…hearing Shuichi say all this, he found himself naturally answering: “Nishishi! Don’t count on it! I don’t slip anyway.”

Shuichi sighed deeply but accepted that answer, handed him the clothes and waited for him to get up. Standing up made him wobbly on his feet, but he managed to enter the bathroom and close the door shut behind him. Sweat ran down his neck and forehead as he leaned against the wood, taking a few deep breaths before he got to work. The sole fact that he was calling this “work” by now was ridiculous, but that didn’t matter either… his mind was a mess and he hated it. Groaning in frustration, he shed his clothes and kicked them in a corner, got the water of his shower running and hoped that the burning hot sensation would melt the pain away. 

It didn’t, it made him extremely dizzy, but at least his muscles felt less sore. 

Again, time ran by and it made him nervous. He was wasting seconds, minutes, hours, days. His thoughts felt so far away from his body, disconnected. One moment he felt the sensation of burning hot water on his back, one moment later he was staring at himself in the foggy mirror. He wiped away the layer of water with his towel and examined his pale skin. Heated cheeks, red eyes. It all felt a little ugly.

Once he had put on his clothes, he almost felt like passing out from dizziness. His hair was still damp and warm - he felt shitty, but the cleanness made him more comfortable in his skin. The thought of returning to a dirty bed threatened to crush that positive feeling, until he opened the door and found himself in front of a newly made bed. Clean sheets, no dirty dishes, no trash on the ground, fresh air filled the room. No Shuichi was around either, though. A small smile tugged on his lips and he let himself fall onto the mattress, a satisfied sigh leaving his throat. His pillow smelled like fresh laundry.  
Just in that moment, the door clicked open and Shuichi’s steps filled the room. When he discovered the Ultimate Supreme Leader with messy hair, loose clothes and a smile plastered on the face he had buried deep in his pillow, he had to laugh softly. Kokichi could be a threat that you’d better not underestimate, but whenever he showed this innocent, cute side of him, it was a sight to behold. 

Kokichi turned towards him, his arms wrapped around his pillow and his smile widening to a grin. 

“It’s all clean and nice, I like it!”

“U…un. It’s important for your health…are you feeling a little better?”, Shuichi answered with a sheepish smile playing on his lips. He set down the things he had gathered on the now free armchair. Kokichi nodded at him and grimaced slightly, the movement made his head hurt.

“The room’s spinning and my head’s being split in two, but other than that, this is great! I’m totes exhausted though…”

As if to underline his statement, he yawned thoroughly. Curiously, he glanced at the things Shuichi had brought along and gave him a questioning look. “What’s that?”

He discovered another pair of comfort clothes, though they were more the kind of thing Shuichi would wear.

“Ah, I…w-well…you’re lonely, right? So I thought I’d…stay. If it’s what you want, that is…”

Kokichi furrowed his brows in disbelief, before his expression turned naïve. Shuichi’s cheeks were reddened and he looked both flustered and unsure. Shifting his weight from one leg to another, he averted his gaze and awaited Kokichi’s answer. It took him longer than usual to process this, especially since… yes, Shuichi was easy to embarrass. But him getting flustered over the simple will to care for him was something else entirely. His heart felt so warm and heavy as the sight flipped a switch inside of him. Sitting up and pulling the blanket closer, his tone got serious. It was a strange mixture of being considerate and demanding at the same time.

“Go change your clothes and then come back to bed. There’s something I want.”

This definitely wasn’t the answer Shuichi had expected, he sometimes still had a hard time getting used to Kokichi’s unpredictability. However, he simply nodded and exhaled, before he grabbed his clothes and disappeared in the bathroom. 

Kokichi chuckled to himself, before he fell back onto the mattress and cuddled up in his blanket. Sometimes he found immense satisfaction in people obeying his orders like that. Not that there was evil intent behind the words he had said, but it still left him pleased with the situation. 

He took a few resting breaths and minutes later, Shuichi returned in more comfortable clothes that made him look quite huggable. The detective stood awkwardly next to Kokichi’s bed and looked down at him, straightening his clothes a little. 

“So what do you want me to- “, he started, before Kokichi abruptly cut off his sentence.

“Hug me.”

“E-eh?”

Without any apparent reason, Kokichi’s expression melted into that of a hurt child trying its best not to cry. He felt the crocodile tears well up in his eyes, the sadness coming right from his heart. Sniffling, he channelled all the dejection he could muster in his expression. It… wasn’t entirely fake, it was mostly. But the days in solitude all the while being sick, feeling vulnerable and weak, made it a lot easier than usual.

“I’ve been lonely a-all… all these days, I feel like I’m g-gonna die if I don’t get a hug soon…! I really need a hug, Shuichi… pretty please?”

Shuichi seemed at loss for what to do, raising his hands as if to try and calm the other.

“A-ah! Kokichi, why do you-“

“You’re not gonna h-hug me? I…I thought you’d…a-are you turning on me? Although I showed you my vulnerable side?”, he started full-on sobbing while subtly blaming him, tears spilling from his eyes without much effort. It was weird, but in the back of his mind he thought it a little freeing, even if it was a show. 

However, Shuichi didn’t fully take it. He shook his head vehemently. The situation first seemed to overwhelm him, but now he sat down on the mattress and touched Kokichi’s shoulders as if trying to ground him.

“We’ve been hugging for a while now, haven’t we? This isn’t the first time I’m staying over, either…why don’t you just…hug me if you want to, Kokichi? I won’t suddenly say no”, Shuichi spoke his mind with a sincerity and firmness in his voice that made Kokichi both feel a little better and a little worse. His words calmed him and honestly helped, though. Again, he sniffed and rubbed his eyes, giving Shuichi an expectant and arguably challenging look.

“H-hug me if you mean it, idiot!” 

Shuichi furrowed his brows and immediately wrapped his arms tightly around Kokichi’s body, pulling him closer and placing his palms firm on his back. Both were surprised at the detective’s sudden, determined action. Kokichi’s mouth was slightly agape as he let his feelings settle, before hugging back and burying his face in Shuichi’s shoulder. His eyes fell shut once the other ran his fingers through his purple strands of hair, sending a shiver of delight down his spine. It was still damp, but Shuichi didn’t seem to mind at all. Kokichi could feel his heart beating rapidly in his chest, probably mostly because of his fever. Maybe cuddling wasn’t the best course of action, since he didn’t want to contaminate Shuichi and since his own body was already radiating heat. But despite all that, he found himself melting in the other’s embrace and not letting go.

“Stupid Shuichi… you’ll get sick…you know that, right?”

“I don’t mind…”

Kokichi leant back to eye the other with scepticism. With a raised brow, he waited for an answer.

“W…well…you’re feeling vulnerable and weak. You can’t…hide that from me. But I… promised to protect you, remember…?”, Shuichi started explaining, the shyness seeping through his voice. However, he then reminded himself to stay confident”, I won’t leave you until you’re better again. You’d do the same for me.”

A protest threatened to roll from Kokichi’s tongue, though he caught it in time and replaced it with the truth instead.

“…yeah. But I never asked for you to be unreasonable and risk your health!”

The detective gave him an awkward smile as he countered:” Didn’t you just ask me to hug you…?”

“…m…maybe I did. J-just hug me, I accept it.”

The fast victory made Shuichi laugh softly as he wrapped his arms closer around the smaller male. Despite his defeat, a smile tugged on Kokichi’s lips as he held the other in his embrace and carefully pulled him down. His back hit the mattress and as Shuichi ended up laying half on top of him, a pleased sigh left his throat. He could feel Shuichi’s warmth everywhere around him. His familiar smell filled his lungs and the short sleeves of their shirts gave him the chance to enjoy some skin contact. Shuichi’s arms were so warm and soft around him, their bodies snug and close and all cozy. It made him feel so much better already.

Free from worries and with happiness dancing on his lips, he buried his face deep in Shuichi’s dark hair and closed his eyes once again. 

“I’ll kill you if you let go, Shuichi.” 

Kokichi laughed out loud as he felt the other’s body tense up for the fracture of a second, before he looked up to him. Speechless at first, Shuichi struggled for words.

“I won’t, but… doesn’t that go against your principles anyway?”

A bright grin spread on Kokichi’s face. “Oohh, you remembered that I got common sense! I’m impressed!”

He snickered at Shuichi’s deep sigh. The detective shifted their positions and laid on his back, pulling Kokichi closer so that his head was now resting against his chest. A faint crimson red coloured his cheeks as he could hear the other’s heartbeat. This was certainly new to him, but he welcomed it. The trickster took some moments in silence, before he snuggled up to him. While Shuichi’s fingers were running through his hair, he closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. Listening, just listening to the other’s heart.  
His body felt like it was made of warmth. Nothing but comfortable, tired, safe warmth.

“I won’t…”

He nodded at Shuichi’s answer. Considering a few things, he thought to himself that this would be alright. It was okay to allow himself to rest. He’d get better soon with Shuichi’s help.  
Without thinking much about it, he let all these sensations touch his mind and body. The soft caress of the hands he welcomed so much, Shuichi’s name leaving his lips in a pleased sigh, the safety of his embrace. Exhaustion caught up to him in no time, but he didn’t fight back anymore. Harmless darkness enveloped his mind as he drifted off to a land of restful slumber. Shuichi held him close and looked over him, until he finally joined him too.

He was feeling much better already.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there and thanks so much for reading!  
> I know this was unnecessarily long, but I still hope you had fun if you made it to the end. I wrote this when I was hella sick myself and my internet died before I could upload it, but it's finally there now. Hope I made you smile in a way, have a great night/day!


End file.
